Won't let the virus overpower me: This is what I kept telling myself
Girish
It was like any other Sunday when I wind down with my cricket before starting a gruelling week. I played and got back home. The next day I was feeling tired and felt uneasy with a slight sore throat at around
9pm. I thought it was a routine fatigue but was sure I was coming down with a fever.
I finished my dinner and retired for the day. But the irritation in the throat would not go away and my eyes were burning. Once again I told myself that sleep would heal and I will be fine and fresh on Tuesday morning.
Around midnight I woke up feeling slightly feverish. I tried to sleep but in vain. At 4am Tuesday I woke up and checked my temperature which had crossed 100 degree Fahrenheit. Now I started to worry. For someone like me working so closely with top doctors, I decided I must not take any chance. I was waited for a decent waking hour (6am) to call a doctor and tell him my symptoms. The doctor on the other end asked me to first isolate myself from my 9-year-old son and wife and then go for testing.
I rushed to the hospital for testing. As they were testing my swab, I became emotional. I do not know what overcame me. I had seen my mother brave cancer but this fear of turning positive is still unexplainable. I met my parents two days ago. My fear was what if I had transmitted them the virus too. So many fears and all coming up at one go. I waited for 12 hours for the test results to come and those 12 hours were when I had a flurry of thoughts and emotions. I had not seen my son or hugged him that day. Everything was weighing me down. It was a fight between the heart and the mind.
At around 8:30pm on Tuesday my results arrived. I had tested positive. But by then I was prepared for it. In the morning itself, I had packed my bag ready to either go to the hospital if I test positive or go somewhere else if I had not contracted the virus, to thank god that I had escaped the virus.
But that was not to be. I had a lump in my throat. My son was looking at me walking away with a bag in my hand ready for a seven-day hospital stay. He asked me to hug him once and started crying. I stood there helpless as I broke down asking my wife to take care.
They say when it rains, it pours. It was true for me. Around noon my wife called to say she is feeling feverish too and was asked to go in for a test along with my son. My prayers were strange. I wanted both to be positive or both to be negative as my son would be alone if he tested positive or negative. The worst nightmare came true when only my wife turned positive. There are times in your life when you feel no prayer works.
My sister-in-law offered to take care of my son. That was a huge relief. But, the fear of the stigma of both of us turning positive weighed me. As it is, when I was at the hospital, neighbours told my wife to accompany me so that they don’t contract the virus. I was living in a rented house and I feared I may have to vacate it.
The next seven days were the worst. I contemplated writing the ‘last’ letters to my boss and my parents. My whole life flashed before me. Then I told myself that the virus may have entered my body but I won’t let it overpower me. I need to be strong both physically and mentally. My mental strength helped me a lot as I went about checking my temperatures, praying for the fever to go away while fully aware that the virus won't kill me.
I strongly believe it is science and medicine that triumphs ultimately and heals people. The virus taught me to value relationships more --specially my parents. Even as a child I valued my life and everything around me. I value life a lot more now. Thanks to coronavirus!
- Girish BR is Executive Assistant to Dr BS Ajaikumar, Executive Chairman, HCG. He is a sportsperson, a fitness freak with a never-say-die attitude